onsdag den 14. november 2012

What an emotional roller coaster!

So I thought that it was a good time for a new blog post. Many thoughts and considerations have been running through my mind, after my trip back to Moorestown, and I feel like now is a good time to finally get it on paper.

It was with mixed feelings, that I boarded the plane to Copenhagen that day, and never have I experienced such an emotionally hard journey. I felt like my stomach was exploding and my head was spinning, like I was placed in the craziest ride in the amusement park. I was alone. All by myself, I had to conquer the fear of losing people that I love and care so much about. When the plane took off, I could do nothing but think about all the amazing times and experiences I have had with all of you amazing people, and in your amazing country.
Its really hard for me to explain how I feel, not because I don’t want to, but because there are so much going on inside, that I wouldn’t know where to start and where to stop. I am in such a big emotional dilemma, and have been ever since I came home from my exchange in June. I have two homes now, but how am I supposed to deal with that, when one of the homes is many thousands kilometres away? I am trying desperately to hold on to everything all the while I’m trying to figure out what I have to leave behind.  I am trying really hard to stay focused, but my thoughts constantly get stuck on Moorestown and Moorestown High. One minute I love Denmark, and couldn’t think of a better place to be, but then the next minute I can burst down in tears just because I miss America so much. In just weeks I had to dig deep inside to find the strength and conviction to adjust to change and still keep each everyone close. And somehow, in some way, I had to find my place between these two worlds.
Right after I came home from my exchange, I was certain that I never would move to America again, but only come home for visits. That certainty is now changed to a definite consideration. One thing I am certain about though, is that I’m going to do whatever is best for me, and feels right, so if moving to America is the best for me, then that is what I’m going to do when it’s a good time for that.  
There is one thing that has been going on my mind though. It’s a big issue for me as well, and a thing that I have been thinking a lot about. Earlier in my blog posts and vlogs, I have talked about sliding apart, and loosing contact with my friends in Moorestown. Not necessarily that it’s happening a lot, but I’m scared of it to happen, and I really don’t want it to. It’s extremely hard for me to barely hear anything from you guys; at least on you’re on own initiative. I’ll try, and I really have tried to keep the contact and message as many as possible the last months, but I can only do so much, unfortunately. When I came back to visit, I saw so many smiley faces and I got so many hugs, and it was absolutely amazing to see everyone, and to see that it’s not because you don’t want to talk, but just because … well I don’t know, but that doesn’t really matter. The thing that matters for me is to know that you still care.  Of course you don’t have to, but you have no idea how much it would mean to me, to receive a message some day, or just anything like that.
I think I’m going to stop here, before it gets way to long, and of course if you have been following the blog you’ll know, that I easily could write pages after pages about my feelings after and about my exchange. If you would spend just 30 seconds, commenting this post, messaging me or anything like that telling me if you all would like to keep following the blog and read about everything, it would be amazing! Thank you so much for reading along :)

Lots of love, Emma 

Here are just some pictures, showing some of my best memories :)